Tag Archives: frustration

Why Can’t I Be You?

I just realized that I haven’t updated this blog in 2 weeks. EEK!  I really need to get on a stricter schedule…

Last week I lost another .4, bringing my total loss to 20.8 lbs.

Even though ANY loss is a victory, I felt like I was hitting a wall with WW. Things were becoming routine.  Not boring.  Just…Blah.  Nothing really new was happening.  I was eating the same foods and knew Points values by heart for most of my meals.  It got to the point where I wasn’t writing foods down at all!  I was doing Points in my head (which is pretty normal for some people I discovered) and tallying it all up at the end of the day because I was so lazy/confident that I was doing OK.

And I was right.  I WAS doing OK and the program was STILL working but I wasn’t seeing the results I wanted anymore.

Along with that, I’ve been feeling lazy about WW lately.  I’m at the point where I look good in pics, get complimented on my appearance, and feel much more secure in my skin that I’m like, “Why bother with this shit? I’m good now!”

I brought it up at the meeting and got a firm kick in the ass from a woman who I see there all the time.  She’s like a one woman version of Statler and Waldorf from The Muppet Show.  When she speaks up at meetings, she can be a bit harsh and even a little rude, so I was scared when she volunteered to give me some advice.  She went on to joke about how “smug” I was at the last meeting when talking about lost 20 lbs and looking at photos from a few months ago to now and being amazed at the difference.  She suggested I use the photos to keep pushing me.  When I told her that the pics weren’t doing it for me anymore, she offered me even better advice.

She said that years ago at her old WW meeting place, her meeting leader brought in a funhouse mirror that makes you look thin.  Not a mirror that grossly distorts how you look (big head/out of proportion) but a mirror that actually shows you what you look like skinny.

“The problem is that we have NO clue what we look like skinny!” she said, which is why it makes it so hard to keep pushing.  But one look in that mirror and she was back on track.

Not really sure why her words of advice helped me so much this week (NOTE:  I did not buy a funhouse mirror) but it was that firm kick in the ass I needed.

Her jokingly talking about how I sounded at the last meeting made me see that there are people out there that wish they were me when it comes to weight loss (and beyond, too).  It’s insane to think that some would kill for my current figure, good habits, weekly losses, whatever!

Why was somebody basically saying,”I WISH I could lose like you!” so motivating this week?  Maybe because I never felt like anyone would want to be me.  I always felt like the person you did NOT want to be like.  Kinda like Goofus and Gallant of the Highlights magazines.  No sane person wants to be a Goofus (that dude’s a prick)…Everybody wants to be nice like Gallant (even though he’s a bit of a kiss ass).   But I was wrong.  Crazy as it is for me to think, realize (and type) but there ARE traits I have that others desire.  And that is pretty damn cool.

I used this little revelation to my advantage this week and really pushed myself to have a good week.  And I did!  I didn’t weigh in yet but I did things I never thought I’d ever be capable of.  Like resisting a slice of freshly baked apple pie that my boss brought in even though I had the Points/craving for it.  And going to the gym to do a real work out on a Sunday when I could’ve been lounging.

It took me 26 years to discover that we are all a little insecure, sometimes unsure, and always want what we can’t or don’t have.  I’m not the only one.  Care to share your feelings about this?  Would love to hear you out!

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Crappy Gain

“If you have a monthly pass, I can weigh you in the back!  No long wait!” said the only guy who works at WW.  It was Saturday morning around 9am when Anthony and I showed up at our usual WW spot.  The line for weigh in wasn’t moving and I was beginning to get frustrated.  I decided to take the guy up on his offer to weigh me in the back.

“No don’t go!” Anthony said, “I don’t like him…He’s boring!”

I laughed and walked to the back for BG (short for Boring Guy from now on) to weigh me in.  I had great success last time I weighed in at the back area so I figured I’d have it this time, too.

Wrong.

Instead of losing at the very least that .2, I gained 1.8 this week.

I hate gaining.  Not just because it screws my confidence up, but it also aggravates the shit out of me hearing the weigh-in person try their hardest to be sympathetic.  Whenever there’s a gain, they whisper the number to you and ask if you were expecting it.  They all try their best to sound disappointed and sad for you but it always comes off wrong.

Like they’re mad at you.  Like you’re screwing up on purpose.

I know that’s not what they mean (and since everyone who works there is doing/has gone through the program), but I still can’t help but hear it that way.

BG in particular sounded disappointed in me so I made sure to mention to him that it was my time of the month to gross him out.  BG didn’t flinch and tried to sympathize in some way by saying something about how men don’t have to deal with that and that it sucks women have to.

After sitting down for the meeting, I realize that BG is unfortunately our substitute meeting leader for the next 2 weeks since Sandi is in Italy.  NOOOO!  It’s no wonder he didn’t flinch when I mentioned my time of the month!  Anthony’s assumptions about BG were spot on and the meeting is completely boring and very text-book.  We left after he wrapped up and I end up crying at a Dunkin Donuts on Route 46 when we stop for road coffee.

I can’t help crying whenever I gain.  I know it’s so silly and stupid but I just can’t help it.  I get so angry and frustrated that all I can do is cry like a baby for a bit to blow off some steam.  Like always, Anthony calmed me down and made me feel better so we could have a nice Easter together.

Thankfully it wasn’t too hard to stay on track this weekend thanks to my parents making sensible meals.  Although we didn’t track, we did eat only until we were full and ate smart.  We did indulge on desserts a bit on Easter night, but we’re just not using any Flex points this week because of it.  I’m exercising 3 times (maybe more) this week so I’ll be able to earn 12-15 Points easy to make up for the weekend, too.  With a well planned out week, a good attitude, and exercise on my side, I’m bound to lose this week.

And if I don’t,  BG’s getting a punch to the face.

Week 2 At A Gain!

The woman behind the counter whispered that I gained a little this week.  She then said it was OK.  That I’m doing the right things and shouldn’t get upset.

Well…I did get upset.  I got pissed.

I couldn’t help bursting into tears outside and crying to Anthony about everything.  I made sure not to cry in front of WW because there’s probably nothing more depressing than an “overweight woman” crying in front of a weight loss center.  You’re allowed to laugh at that last line because I am.

I gained .8 of a pound.  Not very much, but still a gain.

After a long week filled with temptations, resistance, and mucho veggies, I still gained weight.

This just made me angry.  I worked so hard!  I ate well (even on my birthday and in PA for a party with Anthony) and kept this positive attitude throughout…For what?  A gain.

I was so discouraged.  I felt like saying screw it and tearing up my membership and paperwork because it was only week 2 and I was already going backwards.

“Come on…”Anthony said, “Let’s go back inside and attend the meeting.”

So we did…And I’m happy I did.

Sandy (our WW meeting leader) always has a way of making me feel better about this whole process.  Probably because she’s so into it and has gone through it herself.  The meeting was a nice wrap-up of the Momentum Program that officially kicked off the first week of January.   This was perfect for us because we hopped into WW at week 8 so we missed out on a lot.

I think what got me was that one week was devoted to being resilient.  It basically meant that we shouldn’t ever get discouraged.  Just keep going to meetings and keep following the program regardless because it will work.  She told us a story of a woman who lost 165lbs on WW but that it took her ages to get all the weight off (not to mention this was her 12th time trying WW).  She plateaued a few times (and once didn’t lose ANY weight for 3 months) but she kept with the program and coming to meetings.  Eventually, she got through the plateaus and reached her goal weight.

Hearing that story made me feel better about my situation.  In fact, it made my quest to lose seem so easy as I don’t have to lose as much!

After the meeting, I chatted with a woman who has already lost a little over 50 lbs and she was so encouraging.  I also chatted with Sandy who made me feel better about this week’s gain.  With my side chats combined with the meeting, I felt a lot better.

I also realized that my hard work this week wasn’t for nothing.  Although I didn’t lose this week, I still accomplished so much.  I held back on my birthday from devouring cupcakes and Italian food at home.  I didn’t eat much of the bread put on the table at a restaurant and also opted for a lighter fish option vs. crab cakes/everything else on the menu.  I ate tons of vegetables and learned that my body does get full from them. I didn’t fold to temptation like I did in the past and instead found other healthier options.

I did a lot, damnit, and a loss with surely happen soon thanks to all of this hard work!

I’m looking forward to trying some new things this week to help get me down a couple of pounds.  First off, I’m going back to the gym.  I did a little experiment this week (because I was so busy) and didn’t go to the gym to see if it would affect my weight loss.  Regardless of the outcome, I was still going to go back this coming week.  Since exercise DID affect me negatively, I’m definitely going to continue to make time for the gym.  I also want to try bringing new foods for lunch and making new dinners with Anthony.

Sorry this was a long one and for not updating frequently this week!  This coming week is going to be a lot calmer so be ready for updates!

Cravings

I did really well with eating right today.  I had oatmeal with a banana for breakfast paired with some chai tea and a turkey sandwich with a salad and carrot sticks for lunch.  I think because I was having such a good day that some real bad junk sounded incredible.  Thankfully, there were no temptations lying around the office and I was too cheap to get a candy bar in the snack machine.  Instead, I had a cup of the General Foods Intl Coffee which ended up being 1 point and satisfying me.  It made me feel good and strong that I could resist.  It also helped that Anthony was on hand to send me encouraging text messages to keep me focused.

I did another food shop with Anthony today.  It took awhile, but we got TONS of great produce thanks to Corrado’s and their mega low prices on fruits and veggies.   This made for a healthier shopping trip because we bought lots of different items that are usually too pricey at our Shop Rite (like blood oranges and butternut squash). We’ll be hitting Corrado’s on a weekly basis now along with doing a regular grocery shop at our Shop Rite.  We got some new things at Shop Rite tonight (like La Tortilla whole wheat tortillas that are 1 point each), too, but didn’t go too crazy with buying since we’re going to be out a lot this week.

We got home kind of late but had a great dinner together.  We made chicken burgers (3 points each) and Birds Eye Steamfresh roast potatoes (2 points a serving). I made my burger on a light english muffin (1 point) with fat free cheddar (1 point),  light sour cream (1 point), salsa, and hot sauce (both 0 points).  Although regular cheese would have been better, the fat free did its job (even though I was close to choking on it because it’s chewy vs. soft like normal cheese).  I’m satisfied, but still have 3.5 points left, which is juuuust enough for a chunk of amazing chocolate WW cake that my Mom baked for my bday.

This one’s not too exciting.  I’ll think of something fun for next time!